It has been 50 days in #Lockdown.
We really think we have it all planned and worked out, don’t we?
We had it all planned. What could go wrong?
I honestly had this year all worked out. 2019 was terrible. My mom passed away and I had worked myself to a standstill over Christmas to escape the emptiness.
2020 came and we made big decisions.
I would move to new rooms from 01 April, work fewer hours, spend more time with my family and slow down the wheel of life that had been spinning too fast for way too long. And start healing from the grief.
I said my goodbyes. Good bye 16 years of partnership and hallo new life of solo practitioner.
We organized the sale of my shares. Signed the paperwork. I ordered floral wallpaper. I bought matching linen and towels. Printed new referral booklets. My husband carefully transported the sonar I had purchased to the new rooms. I felt excitement. We put up certificates. Moved furniture. I unpacked boxes and boxes of brand new stock, and found such joy in my new machines all ready to start this new journey with me. I carefully created a beautiful space for me and my clients to thrive in. Everything was new. And new was good.
And all payments and contracts were terminated. No sale of shares. Level 5 #Lockdown.
No work. No pay.
Denial, anger, depression. And I found myself with a new job description – stay at home mom, home schooling mom, cleaner, cook, laundry expert and wannabe physio.
Some days were spent crying. Others angry. Some days I could not even get out of bed.
Autumn invited me outside
One morning I noticed Autumn. It was 09h00 and the sun shone a few lazy rays into my bedroom. Of course I had missed it before because being at home at 09;00 never happened.
Noticing Autumn made me get up out of bed. Autumn called me outside.
I weeded the garden. The brown leaves rustled in the wind. There were birds in the trees.
We took afternoon naps. Listened to music. Baked an apple pie. Cooked sweet, sticky lemon syrup.
We baked cookies. And bread. We ate too much.
I watched the lemons on my lemon tree turn yellow.
I picked a lemon everyday. And prayed I would never forget the smell of freshly squeezed lemon juice.
I have since returned to work.
When life is not about success, but about survival, an unknown clarity and wisdom starts developing.
I have learnt more from finding myself without work and income than from 17 years in private practice.
#Corona will pass. But I know now to let Autumn invite me outside. And to smell the lemons. Daily.